Growing up in an “old school” eastern European family, I always thought I was just supposed to turn a blind eye to abuse (verbal, physical, emotional) and just “suck it up”. Throughout my childhood, teenage years, and well into adulthood, I thought this was just a normal way of life; I justified the way people (family, friends) treated me by reasoning with myself that I did something wrong – that I did something to deserve the abuse.
When I turned 18, I was determined to find help. Little did I know that finding a therapist was going to take 9 long, troubling years. I would google therapists, book an appointment, and never go back after the second session because I felt uncomfortable and uneasy. Every therapist I went to was exactly as I expected, just as I saw in the movies (one of many reasons why I avoided therapy) – the nodding of the head, the “And how does that make you feel?” and the, “Oh, I am so sorry this happened to you. It’s just because your parents got divorced at such a young age.”
By the time I learned about Dr. Susie 3 years ago, I had become a walking shell of someone I did not even recognize. I had completely and fully lost myself to the madness I had been enduring over the years. At 27, I was depressed and broken. I was also about to get married so I did not understand why then that I had shut down. I barely spoke, I was petrified to leave the house and go anywhere alone, I couldn’t make or take phone calls, and I couldn’t even look at anyone in the eye. I was spent and ready to just give up. My first appointment with Dr. Susie, she promised she was going to help me, and that is exactly what she did. Though at the time, I was terrified, I ultimately knew if anyone was going to help me find myself again and break these vicious cycles, it was going to be her. Her compassion and empathy towards me was something I had never felt from any therapist ever. For the first time in my life, someone was invested in my success and well-being. I saw Dr. Susie up to 3, sometimes even 4 times a week to start because my wedding was 4 months away, and there was no way she was going to let me walk down that aisle like that. :) I could feel parts of myself coming back to life; parts of me I had neglected for so long. I was forever grateful for her.
Months down the road, life, again became a whirlwind of chaos, and I began to neglect myself again – I didn’t see Dr. Susie for a little under a year. My husband had unexpectedly died, and I was too embarrassed to reach out to Dr. Susie because I felt as though I had let her down, and I did not want her to see me like that, after all she had done to help me find me before. After what had seemed like forever, I mustered up the courage to call her because if I didn’t, I would only be letting myself down. I needed her, and she came running with open arms! I am 30 now, and I have been seeing Dr. Susie again for the last 3 months. She helped me pick up the pieces then, and hasn’t given up on me since. I am finally thriving, and though I still have a lot of personal growth to do, I know I would not be the woman I am today without Dr. Susie. She has helped me overcome my panic disorder, social anxiety, and we are now working on my PTSD. Her consistency and determination to help me become my best self goes unmatched. These days when someone asks me what I’m doing different or compliment me on the woman I am, I give the credit to my therapist, Dr. Susie Gross.